30 Lessons Life Taught Me (Or Kicked Me in the Face With)
30.
Dayam. Where did my twenties go? It seems like only yesterday since I was walking into my first interview, young, impressionable, eager-to-please. Not that that lasted very long.
Your late-twenties are when you start realizing you aren’t immortal; your body isn’t responding to you as well as it used to. And just when you thought you were comfortable where you were in life, you realize you’ve been kidding yourself and want a lot more from it, but you’ve no idea what.
Having been a part of the world for thirty years now, I find myself constantly reflecting on what I’ve learnt from life, and sometimes what it forced me to learn. Here are 30 of those lessons.
1. Travel to a new country every year.
Travelling breathes new life into me. Every time I set foot on terra incognita, or strike up scintillating conversations with locals, I simultaneously stumble upon uncharted crevices of my mind that leave me as awestruck as the places I see or the people I meet. It oils the cogwheels of my mind, and churns out articles I wouldn’t have written otherwise.
2. Read to empathize.
Nothing has helped me empathize with people from different walks of life more than reading. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime took me into the mind of a child with autism; Sons and Lovers helped me understand what a woman trapped in a loveless marriage goes through. And so on.
Read to learn. Read to let loose. Read to breathe in new forms of writing. But most of all, read to understand people better.
3. People come and go.
Not everyone who comes into your life will stay for the long haul. Grandparents pass away. Friends drift away or die before their time. It’s heartbreaking, but there’s a reason behind every encounter. It’s up to you to understand and do what you will with the lesson that person came into your life to teach you.
4. Repeatedly ask yourself what the point of you is.
And whether you’re living up to said point.
If you know what your life’s purpose is but are not fulfilling it, it may be time for some adjustments.
5. Have a mentor you trust.
It can be exhausting trying to figure everything out on your own, and a few words of advice from someone who’s been there, done that, can put your dilemmas into some much needed perspective.
6. Choose your friends wisely.
Have a diverse circle of friends (and attend their weddings and dance at them — they’ll make for unforgettable memories). Spend time around people who’ll keep you grounded. But if your friends are bringing your spirit down, ditch them. As Jim Rohn said so wisely, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Their moods and behaviours affect yours. If they don’t add value to your life, it’s time to skedaddle.
7. Get your feet checked for flat feet (and your children’s, when you have them).
I have flat feet (I also happen to have feet of a size most shoe companies believe no woman should be allowed to have, which doesn’t make shoe shopping fun). I didn’t know until I was 29 how big a problem this is, or that children under 18 could and should wear corrective footwear to develop arches in their feet. I knew nothing of the absence of arches eventually leading to knee pain and ankle pain and in general being a total pain in the posterior. The bones in my feet were starting to move around on their own accord, no thanks to said flat feet, and I had to start wearing custom-made insoles in specific kinds of shoes to curb that. My shoe wardrobe has shrunk considerably as a result — goodbye heels and ballerina shoes! — which, in retrospect, makes me feel more relieved than upset because now I have less stuff.
8. Your only competition is the person you were yesterday.
We live in a world that constantly makes us feel we are inadequate and need to keep up. Falling into the trap of comparing yourself to your peers is quite possibly the worst thing you can do for your mental wellbeing. There will always be someone better than you at something. Instead, expend your energies in striving to be the best version of yourself.
9. Write, for God’s sake!
Writing was always easy for me. But when I got involved in too many projects, I’d ignore the words that would run in my head, telling them to come back after I’d finished for the day. When they did, I’d be too exhausted to write and would fall asleep ignoring their pleas. Months passed by like this, and eventually, they stopped visiting as often. Now I have to struggle to pen a decent sentence, and am building a daily writing habit to change that.
Be consistent with your writing and never censor it. A day may come when you’re ready to share that raw self with the world.
10. Pray and never lose faith.
Suffering is, unfortunately, an inevitable and necessary part of life. It can bring out the best in you, or the worst in you. It is so easy to succumb to the darkness within you when that happens, especially when it threatens to consume you inside out. Prayer can help you strengthen your resilience, and keep you in touch with your goodness.
11. Don’t be a corporate slave.
I’m fortunate enough to be able to work part time for entities that have a real social impact. I love the flexibility it allows me, whether it’s to travel, work on my side projects, or learn from the jobs themselves. I’ve seen countless friends ruthlessly abused and worked half to death in inefficient corporate environments. To a corporate, you are expendable. It makes no sense to give up the best years of your life for a profit-driven company that doesn’t value its employees (and which will just replace you for someone else when necessary) at the expense of your peace of mind. The cost is too damn high. If you’re in a position like that, don’t be afraid to veer off the traditional career path. Develop your skills and freelance. Work part time. Start a business.
12. Thrive in your own company.
Nothing helps me recharge as much as spending a day every week rejoicing in my own solitude, doing things I love. The same can’t be said of a lot of people I know, who would be horrorstricken at the mere thought of being alone or even eating without someone to give them company. It’s unhealthy to always have to rely on someone else for entertainment, no matter how close they are to you.
13. Minimalize.
When it comes to shopping, I think like most of my male friends. I only buy what I need, and don’t see the point in a lot of things people splurge on, from expensive crockery to lipsticks in 300 shades of red (my one weakness is books, but let’s face it; one can never have enough books). Leaning towards minimalism (I’m not quite there yet) has released me from the concomitant overwhelm of having too much stuff and not enough space to accommodate it all.
Don’t spend on crap. Every time you buy a material object, you’re not just spending money, but the time you spent making that money. Would you have rather spent that time doing something else? Is that object going to add real value to your life or add to the clutter in it?
14. Save your monies.
When I first started earning, I exercised no restraint in using my debit card, paying no heed to my dad’s caveats of putting money aside. All until my card was rejected when trying to pay for a bill. Turned out, I had less than a Kuwaiti dinar (1 KWD = 3.3 USD) in my bank account thanks to my blind extravagance, and over ten days to go to my next salary deposit. I never want to relive that. Now I maintain two bank accounts, one for my savings, and the other for spending.
15. Work out and eat clean.
If you don’t take care of your body, it can and will work against you. NEVER end a workout without stretching (or start one without warming up first), unless you have no problem paying the earth, moon, and every other celestial body for physiotherapy services to fix the aches and pains that will come to haunt your every move.
16. Develop an open mind.
People are free to do what they want with their lives, and don’t have to live by your expectations of them. Listen to other people’s points of view. If you disagree with them, instead of judging them, step into their shoes to understand where they’re coming from, and maybe you’ll think differently of them in the process.
17. Trust. Your. Gut.
There were times when I’d idly ignore my instinct warning me not to do something just to see if it would be right. It always was, and I’d regret not paying it any heed.
Listen to your gut, especially when taking momentous decisions. And if at any time you’re in a situation where the people around you make you feel uncomfortable, walk away, even if they’re your friends.
18. Believe in your abilities a little more.
We have preconceived notions of what we think we’re capable of, and tend to underestimate ourselves without giving it our all. We become enslaved by fear, paralyzed at thoughts of, “What if I fail?” Well, what if you don’t? What if you’re awesome? Don’t you deserve to find out for sure?
19. Your parents (usually) know best.
Like most teens, I was unfortunately always caught in an ego struggle when my parents warned me not to do something, or kept me away from something because I was a girl. Now I know how right they were to take those precautions, and how lame my wants were. The arrogance of youth will always come back full circle though, and I’m pretty sure I’ll have to deal with it from the other side of the table when I have my own kids.
20. Don’t let your tongue run away with you and form a noose around your neck.
Words uttered without thinking, especially in moments of anger, can destroy everything you hold dear. When caught in a situation where you feel your ego taking over, fight it. Giving in just isn’t worth the bloodshed that follows.
21. Every experience is either a lesson or a blessin’.
My twenties taught me that hardly anything ever goes the way you want it to. This may not necessarily be a bad thing, even though it may take you ages to realize it (it did for me anyway).
The first time I applied for a job was for a brand in a huge holding company. I was confident I would get the position (in merchandising) because so many of my schoolmates had gotten it for other brands in the same company. While I aced the test, I flunked the interview. And it depressed me — if I couldn’t even get a job that so many others had, what chance did I really have? I’m so thankful it didn’t work out, because a few months later I got my first job at a media company which unlocked incredible learning and creative opportunities, as opposed to having to crunch numbers in a field I didn’t even care about.
A door that closes on one opportunity may be preparing you for something better. Be adaptable and don’t get too attached to your expectations.
22. Be an agent of change.
Whether it’s with one’s life or the world, every one of is capable of generating a degree of positive change. But change requires action, and it’s so much easier to whine about the status quo. If you don’t like something, figure out what you can do to change it. Then change it.
23. Floss after every meal.
Especially if you’ve spent half your life in the dentist’s chair like I have, building up an impressive dental history (six root canals, six extractions, two implants, and Lord knows how many cavities). I would have saved myself so much money and toothache if I’d just flossed when I was younger.
24. Be kinder than necessary.
Whether it’s offering someone a compliment, sharing constructive feedback, stopping to help someone with a flat tyre, or carrying your neighbour’s groceries, we are surrounded by opportunities to practice spontaneous acts of kindness. The joy of giving is contagious, and kindness goes a long way, especially in a world like ours that needs so much of it.
25. Get rid of your addictions.
I hate the idea of being dependent on anything. Sugar. Meat. Carbs. Social media. I’ve been addicted to, and have managed to get off all of them at some point. The results will surprise you, and once your addiction is out of your system, you’ll realize how little you care about it not being in your life anymore, and how much healthier you feel.
26. Walk.
Nothing helps me clear my mind like walking alone, either by the sea breathing in the crisp salty air, or in the urban jungle that is Kuwait City. If you can’t make time for walking, fit it into your social life. When we’re blessed with good weather, I ask my friends to take a stroll with me in the park or at the beach instead of meeting them at a café. So refreshing.
27. Confront your demons.
A lot of the negativity inside us is born out of insecurities, which, if not dealt with in due time, can spiral out of control and affect our long-term happiness. On experiencing a negative emotion, whether it’s anger, fear, frustration, jealousy etc., identify and analyze the real reasons behind what triggered it after you’ve calmed down, and deal with them in turn. If nothing else, it’ll serve as great material for writing.
28. Be grateful.
There’s so much we forget to appreciate. Family. Drinking water. Air conditioning when it’s sixty degrees Celsius outside. Central heating when it’s zero degrees Celsius outside. Clean, fully functioning bathrooms.
Count your blessings, and don’t be an ungrateful wretch.
29. Love yourself.
We spend most of our lives bashing ourselves up, questioning our self-worth, blaming ourselves for broken dreams, broken relationships. But you can’t live a fulfilling life or have healthy relationships with this state of mind. Love yourself by accepting yourself for who you are, and by forgiving yourself. It’s a slow and difficult process, but the result will be a happier and more confident you.
30. Be sincere.
There’s enough BS in the world without you having to add to it. If you ask someone how they’re doing, wait to hear the reply. If you compliment someone, let it be genuine. Don’t tell someone you love them if you don’t, even in jest. Words are sacred. Use them to add meaning to your life and that of others.
